Monday 23 May 2011

Too Many Days

This post was written by Justeen. Justeen is currently serving a sentence of life without the possibility of parole for an offense committed in her youth.
As I submit this public plea, I ask for compassion and understanding as I explain my silent pain, from a tragedy that occurred from a mind of a teenager, that was not only morally incorrect but even worse, a mind that was too underdeveloped to even understand the depth of pain and loss that this unthinkable turn of events would cause the victim, the victim’s family, taxpayers, society and last but not least myself and my dreams and my family.  I am 34 years old now.

Growing up as a child, you think as a child.  No matter a child with the most pleasant upbringing or a child that may have been deprived, at the end of the day, scientifically the development of the brain is still the same, unless of course if there was trauma or some sort of birth defect.
I’ve been incarcerated half of my life based on a crime committed as a child.
Let me say this, there aren’t too many days that have passed since that act of violence that I don’t remember the young lady and her child that was taken so young, away from her mother.
There aren’t too many days that I wonder that if I knew then what I know now – Oh, the pain is deep.
Incarceration isn’t the most hurting part, the pain of the incident is most traumatizing for me.
So many nights, I wonder if my life has to end based on a decision that I made as a child.
I know the victim of the crimes life was cut short and it’s a tragedy that I feel compelled to express.
I was the one who ended up still with life in my body and it’s a life under the operation of an adult and most of all a rehabilitated mind.
Isn’t that what the prison system is for?  Isn’t that what taxpayers are paying for, rehabilitation?
Now I understand when an adult makes a decision that he must live with it as an adult.

My concern is, how much of my debt is paid, who can put a price on the tag for me?
I have sat in prison for 16 years and I’ve watched adults make terrible decisions and get paroled, and I’ve seen the media make exceptions and different guidelines for teens.  Where do I fit?
If rehabilitation is the price, then yes, I’ve paid in full.
But if punishment is the price when is the debt paid or what is the payment for a woman who committed a terrible act as a child.
Please help me understand, help me keep hope alive because I’ve done all of the rehabilitation required here.  I would love to have a chance in society operating under an adult, rehabilitated mind.

With most sincerity,
Justeen

This post was written by Justeen. Justeen is currently serving a sentence of life without the possibility of parole for an offense committed in her youth.

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